May 5, 2009

Thats the day . . . it'll mark 21 yrs of me gracing this world with my presence. Although a lot of it wasnt too good, its what makes Saemone who she is. Man, I got a month and 4 days and its here. I feel like Im having a mid life crisis or the equivalent to it cause Im sitting in this room just about going crazy! At 16 I had it all planned out. By 18 I'd be in my own place, working at my wonderful job, in love with the then amazing boyfriend . . . funny how the tables turn. Dont get me wrong I love my job (notice thats the only thing I have in that list smh) but money is most definitely not on the route to the better me. I feel like so much has changed in me for the worst in the last few years since high school ended. I can look in the mirror and its supposed to be the same girl, but I dont see the same reflection I used to. Not too much has changed physically but if you take a look deep down into the heart of that girl in the mirror all you see and feel is cold. Not much happiness, not much joy or excitement. Where the hell does it all go? I sure as hell have my ideas but I refuse to let that claim any other parts of me . . .

Everyone says that 21 is so young, Sure I have plenty of time but dammit Im a girl who wants it all! I hate more than anything in the world not to get what I want. So this is another internal struggle that I must conquer in order to move on and turn the page to begin writing the next chapter of Saemone's amazing life. Like drake says "I hope they document what Im becoming" cause boy ole boy is it gonna be a sight to see!