Progress

Progress :to grow or develop, as in complexity, scope, or severity; advance

This is my word of the day. Im big on progress because I just cant allow myself to be in the same place for too long. Whether its in a position at work, making the same amount of money, driving the same car .. .. .. I need a lil variety in my life! There's too much out in the world waiting for me to get my hands on for me to settle for the same ole same ole old shit everyone else strives for. Im trying to move a lil higher. See whats beyond the horizon.

You see I have this one lil issue. One thing thats holding me back from my personal progress. Some call it a father, I call it a sperm donor. A father is much more than a word describing who a man is to a child. Its someone who is there to offer support, give advise, show you how you should be treated as a lady. I never had that person in my life. That figure was replaced by someone I feared. Most joy was replaced with pain. I can think of a handful of memories containing laughter. Most were tears. I would love to find this man again and be able to let him know the pain I have deep down inside of me. The anger I carry with me everyday. I wonder how he would feel to know I feel in love with someone who was just like him and went through the same heartache that my mother was subject to at the hands of him. I think if I were to be able to express this to him I'd be able to finally move past it and begin to trust and love again with a heart thats no longer heavy. I must make that a priority!