March 21, 2008

A day I will always remember but I wish I could forget. Better yet I wish I could go back in time and take a different route to avoid all heart ache and pain Im experiencing now. I had an unrelated talk with my mom last nite and she says I need to learn to forgive and forget. I spent damn near all night thinking about this and the past year Ive experienced seems unforgivable. Countless restless nights, rivers of tears cried, trust gone. Then on the other hand if I take the steps to be able to let it go then maybe ill have the peace of mind for those things to be able to come back. Maybe Ill learn to trust someone again, maybe the rivers of tears will dry up . . . Ill never know untill I try but taking that first step is the hardest step to your goal.

I promised my mom to try the whole forgive and forget thing but the bigger promise is to myself. Not just to the events of March 21, 2008, but for everything that Im holding in fighting against. I dont want to fight anymore. The battles with yourself are the hardest ones, and the only ones you really control. So Im ready to take that first step no matter how hard it may be so I can get past this. So after today no more bitching and complaining. No more crying and no more regrets. This didnt happen by mistake as unfortunate as it is. So my first step is thanking God for choosing me to go through this because to allow me to go through this I know He believes Im strong and I know He has something great destined for me. I also thank Him for the strength that He has already blessed me with. Theres a blessing in every situation and Im still on my journey to recieve this one.