Sittin here listenin to love songs got me goin
Got me thinkin of what I want...what I had...what made it like that...what im doin to not make it change
Chris brown in my ear singing abt how he gotta b her everything
Lloyd talkin abt havin a heart attack wen she gone
J holiday suffocates, jordin sparks can't breathe cause he's her air && he's gone
Me, only thing I can sing abt is how come u dnt call me anymore?
Trynna play that nigga role
One fails move to the next
Can't run foreva thoEventually the next run is into the arms of someone && u stay there for a while
Thru the ups && dwns
Wrongs && rights
Hardest part is finding that one worthy of the time && effort put into it
Dnt have time to waste anymore
Played all the games
Had em all played on me
Im not sayin it gotta move to the next level in the next few mins
But there's nothing wrong wit meeting up on the same page && movin on from here
Write our fairy tale story
Day one page one....

Its amazing how I could hate u one day
Then the next wonder why u ever left my life
Its funny how the bad out weighs the good
But I would trade it all to hear the works ILY
Its hard serving time in this prison of my heart
Pen to paper is the only way to express my love for this guy
Im stuck in love wit someone who doesn't give me the love or respect I deserve
But one look in his eyes && I forget all the pain I ever felt
All I see is the love I know he has deep down inside for me
The love I hope he can one day share the way I shared with him
They say if u love something to let it go to know if its meant to be
&& the letting go is the hardest part . . .

Eva been lost in love
&& wen u found ur self
U were lost w/ out it?
Walkin around aimlessly lookin 4 what u once ran away from
Trynna find someone, anyone to give u that feeling
Like a drug addict lookin for the same feeling of that first hit
After a while u gotta have it
Your addicted to it
It becomes an internal struggle u deal wit foreva
Your heart says yes, mind says no
&& since love is such a strong emotion
You go wit ur heart && get hurt once again

"I promise mama Ima do it cause I knw I put u through it,

And I just want u to sit around with ur friends at the dinner table

And say 'my baby is famous and I knw it!' "
-Drake

Jeezy said it best MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK!!!!!

January 12, 2009 is definitely a day to remember . . . a day I knw I wil never forget. Cant wait to tell my kids and grand kids how far along we have come as a people. Everytime President Obama is on tv my grandma is looking in amazement because she remembers 60yrs ago when our people werent even allowed to sit where they wanted to! Now look how far we have come. My mom tells me his story all the time. He wasnt brought up with money like former President Bush. He worked for everythig he has. His drive and his passion got him where he is today and i admire him for that. He's a great man and I hope he can do great thigs for this country.

"1st place is often the worse place

But fuck it I love it here

I call it my birthplace . . . "
- Drake



As of May 5, 2009 Im brand new. . . call me HOLLYWOOD MONE! No more of the same ole same ole. I dnt wanna hit the strip club, dnt wanna shake my ass, dnt wanna sit up in a nigga house, dnt wanna be around the same bitches, dnt wanna have the same hoes . . . Im trynna make my money, buy alot of clothes, meet new ppl, and get new hoes! Lol Naw but fa real Im just ready for bigger and better y not? I been working since I was 16 and I believe thats long enough for a pay off! No more wasting time on no good friendships or relationships . . . mone expects only the best from here on out!

Im really starting to wonder why it feels like I can take a step forward with such ease but I get knocked back as if I dont deserve to be where Im trying to go. Life has been a struggle for as long as I can remember. I just want a sense of security. I wanna know that when I wake up in the morning my day wont be so bad that I go to sleep crying at night.

Ive never been the type to want the fancy cars or wear all the designer labels, but at the rate Im going it feels like if I decided to change my mind and want all the riches I deserve I wouldnt be able to get it. Im not complaining Im just venting as I sit back and keep waiting for better days . . .

I have a new fav rapper to add to my list

DRAKE!!!!!!!

I swear this guy is a lyrical genious! A friend gave me a copy of alot of his songs yesterday and boy ole boy do I feel this guy! I wish I would have seen him at the T-Wayne concert!


Fav Drake line rite abt now . . .
"Ex girl strippin . . . I cant stop her
New girl trippin but I cant drop her
Cause I need something to balance out the fact
That its hard to find a girl when u talented and black"

. . . I love this guy! lol

Eva heard Pink's song "Sober"? One of the best songs I've heard from her . . .

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning
Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home . . .

Ah the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
Oh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside
You're like protection
How do I feel this good sober?


I think Im feeling that one a lil too much . . . sounds like life

So I wake up this morning wondering about this life of mine. I consider myself a very talented person. Its just time to take one of these talents and develope it into my career. My heart is split in half one side belonging in the fashion world the other is stuck where it has been since I was 5yrs old. . . in music. Music is my savior, my safe place. Cheers me up wen Im sad, gives me hope when Im doubtful. . . its my evrything! Guess I have some more thinking to do . . .

"I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cause I put too much energy in him and me
Cant wait till I get thru this phase
Cause its killin me
Too bad we can re write our own history . . . "
- Keri Hilson "Energy"

I wish I could re write my history. If I could I know I would open up this so called book of my life, go back to 11th grade and i would change only one thing. I would look at the guy with the braids on the 212 bus and look away cause I would know he would cause nothin but pain in my life. Too much energy was put into something that ended up hurting me terribly in the end. As for gettin over this phase . . . its been a year and Im still in the same spot. Sometimes going back and forth with the idea of going back to him cause he's all I knw. Letting myself feel sorry for him. Its all bad but its all so hard . . . one day at a time

hello blog world! lol



1st post . . . here it goes . . .

Since its a new yr I though I would do someting new . . . then there this creation of my blog. Ive neva been much of a writter but maybe this will be the place for me to vent instead of holding it all in cause God knows I got a temper out this world!

This yr I hope to get alot done: new car, new boyfriend worthy of my time, friends that I can trust, money in the bank, and most importantly MY OWN APT!!!! So no more games no more excuses its time to get my ass in gear and do me!

** smile **