Deep ish!

"...But before she could be granted wings she had to survive as a caterpillar"

I ran int this quote on @JheneAiko 's Twitter page (side note I LOVE Jhene!) tonight and I feel it so much! I don't know who's quote this is but it's deep! $100,000,000 to whoever can tell me who it's by...

**disclaimer: I pay back in hugs :)

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A Moment Of Thanks

This week has definitely been a challenging one. I spent thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family and had a great time! Saw my family, had great food. What more can you ask for?Next day, my grandpa passed away. It hurt like hell! It has been sooo long since I've seen my grandparents I was just filled with guilt. But thank God for that last reunion. It couldve been just like any other holiday I didn't have to be there. Then came the final farewell. A beautiful traditional Islamic service. He was burried just as he'd like to go. Then Thursday night my granny I live with catches pneumonia smh. Thank God she's a trooper she faught hard and she's winning. Stayed Thursday til today and now she's out. Life can turn from good to bad in a matter of seconds. Always expect the unexpected and always stay connected to God. Strength is what gets you through. With today coming to a close I thank God for bringing my family through. And I hope and pray this week will be better. Hope everyone has a blessed one!

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New Chapter Of My Life, Let's Call It Moving On

Yup that's about it. . .I dnt wanna cry. I'm not too sad. It is what it is, we are who we are and our purpose (whatever it is) has been served and now it's time to move on. This time I have no hope to meet up later in life. No need. No one really changes much. Especially not to the extent this change would have to be so yeah. . .thanks for the experience but now its all done. Only thing I'm sad about is that the friendship is over. I enjoyed it while it lasted but my respect is more important than any friendship. Thank God I feel that way. . .

Truth Hurts

"This here is something personal

I highly think this feeling is reverseable

Knowledge is pain and that is why it hurts to know. . ."

Drake - "Brand New"

Mannn I neva knew confirmation on something you already kinda sorta, half way, had it in the back of your mind, had your intuition goin off on knew about something would annoy/hurt so bad. =\ I'm confused and weirded out at the same time. Glad we were adult enough for the convo, wish it was a couple of years ago tho. . .you win some you loose some. But hey it's another red flag to add to the collection lol ahhhhh

Sigh. . .

Distracted Like a Mutha...

"And if I knew it'd end like this

I neva woulda kissed ya cause I fell in love with ya

We neva woulda kicked it

Girl now everything's different

I lost my hommie lover and my friend

That's why I wished we neva did it

And I wish we neva loved and

I wish I neva fell so deep in love wit you and now it ain't no way we can be friends ..."

"Can't Be Friends" - Trey Songz

I'm supposed to be havin a gd time right now but all I can do is look at the coast and fight the tears smmfh one day I'll get it together ....

Story Of My Life

"A part of me wants to leave,

But a part of me wants to be here wit you

And every time I think that we're ova and done

You do something to get me back loving u

And you got me just torn in between the two

Cause I really wanna be with you

But something's tellin me I should leave you alone ..."

"Torn" - Letota Luckett

Sums it up perfectly.

Great Music

"My world it moves so fast today the past it seems so far away and I squeeze it so tight, I can't breathe and every time I try to be what someone has thought of me so caught up, I wasn't able to achieve but deep in my heart the answer it was in me and I made up my mind to define my own destiny"

-The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

Look what I bought over the weekend! I should have had this forever ago but better late than never. I swear she wrote this one for me I'm feeling this so much right.

Why Do I Feel So Sad

I dnt understand how I can be so happy and still feel how I do. I'm damn near in tears and I swore my eyes didn't work anymore. All I know is you can't help who you love. You don't plan it and as much as you may think you're in control you're really not. Its crazy how the heart and mind work with each other to play these crazy tricks on me. I feel like I'm 17 again in my heart and once I start falling my mind takes over and reminds me of 18-20 and I get all teary eyed and confused. I'm probably getting to this confusion listening to friends and fam. UGGHHH. Oh and I looovvveee how I can get all my feelings out on paper but I can't open my mouth and tell him. I'm scared tho. No one likes rejection but I'd feel so free to say "I loved you, love you, and I will always love u. The day I met you was one of the best days of my life and no one has impacted me in such a way before or since and that's probably the real reason why I love you. Others have taken my place but they will never feel for you the way I do. And to this day I never have had a real doubt that this is/was real but to give it another chance as older much more mature people would make me the happiest girl in the world" I'd never get that out. I'm really over here fighting myself. Damn ... no one said it be easy, but you couldn't have told me it would be this hard. The more time I spend with him just makes it worse too. FUCCCKKK I knw the majority of this makes no sense but I had to clear some mental space ... its getting crowded in here.

The Sweetest Thing I've Known

Every night I go to sleep wit a feeling I lost for a while that I really want back. Not only the feeling... that's not special enough. I need that feeling to be back from a special person. Its been back for 2 weeks now and I can't say I want to give back to him to go back to nothing. But then I think back and read back on how things were and how I was left and I get confused. When things were good it was great but when it was bad? Man it got ugly But time heals all wounds and as much as I try to stay mad I can't. This could most definitely be something that stays around forever, a feeling so strong that's always around I just wish I had a crystal ball to tell me the future on this one. Its honestly the sweetest thing I've ever known. No one has come close and to be honest I think I purposely make it that way. That way he keeps that special place in my heart

This is when I say fuck feelings cause I just want to turn off my slow love songs, turn over, close my eyes, and just go to sleep. I can't. There's something about this guy. Something about the love we had. Something that even though its over I can look at him and feel the same butterflies I felt 5yrs ago when I decided he'd be mine. Love or infatuation? Infatuation or obsessed? Obsessed or just the real deal? Maybe I should ask I've been in the dark far too long.

#teambreezy

 Here's a cool YouTube video 

A Bird of Paradise For my Angel in Paradise

Ever since I started getting tats I always said I'd get something in memory of my great grandma. So I finally did. Her fav flower is a bird of paradise and since it was hers it became mine too lol. I can be in my zone somewhere and if i see one I have to stop to admire its beauty. So what better way to remember her with something just as beautiful as she is. I got the flower and her b day in roman numerals. I know she's old school and probably doesn't understand why I'd desecrate my body but I know shes glad I thought of her. Love ya Sister!!

Viva Las Vegas Babeeee!!!

My favs from sin city

Ur random in feelin myself bathroon flick lol

Me and Mommy before karaoke =)

"Can I Come Over???"

The Vegas Strip!

The Macaroni Grill has the best B day cake EVER! And God knows I'm not a fan of chocolate

The Palazzo lobby before club Lavo

Blame it on the alcohol ... the Patron to be exact

Smiles wit my b day angel

Go Go dancers have the best job lol

Definitely the best b day EVER!!!!!!!

Hott Shit!

"You had to change up the game

Oh the weather is not the same

Now its only cloudy days

I can't stand the rain in July

There were fireworks exploding

But now its gettin colder

The leaves are turning colors

Why, its just not our season the one and only reason

Baby oh baby oh

As summer turns into fall...."

July - Drake ft. Jhene

This song gets played about 75,135,631 times a day!  I gotta admit wen Drake started getting big and got signed I got scared about how his music would be but songs like this makes me have a lil count down til June 15th. Jhenes hook, his verses ... I love it all. I've been a fan of Jhene since the ain't that Lil Fizz cousin days lol. She gets play on the iPod too. What makes it even better is that this song relates to what I'm feeling now. I can't stand the rain in May!

Las Vegas, NV

Almost used to reality after my b day vacation in Vegas. Sheesh! Its never easy to come from cloud 9 to the ground. That was the best b day to date hands down. Never thought 22 could be better than 21 Lol. Glad it was tho. I'm really thankful for everything that happened and how everything went down. And because of what happened before and how lovely it was there I'm thinking about changing my zip code from 90291 to 89173 lol. LA and a lot of the ppl I knw are just too much for me and I'm starting to accept and appreciate that. It's just called growing up. Can't be in the same lane of life's journey forever. So I'm lane switching right now til I'm in the right one and its time to put on the cruise control. Saemone is content =)

Serenity

This last week has been pretty stressful so this weekend I took a bike ride on the beach to clear my head and get my thoughts together. If only that peace could last forever ....

Say What You Want But She's Def a Badd B*ich!

"I just kinda do what I feel. I never knew what lane I would fill, [or that] I would fill a lane at all. I didn’t even really contemplate that far down the road. I just started having fun, and a lot of that came from me seeing Wayne dare to be different and I started feeling like I can be a multifaceted rapper. I don’t have to be a one-dimensional female rapper. Once I put that in perspective, it was like everything just got easier for me, because I no longer wanted to fit in anybody’s box—I jus wanted to be Nicki…"

Nicki is crazy! From her wigs to her body to her style of rap she is definitely in her own lane. I gotta say I been down wit her since right before her "Beam Me Up Scottie" mixtape and I been a fan ever since. I like that she's a lil different. It wouldn't be right if she wasn't cartoon/Barbie like and just another female rapper, its just what makes her Nicki. Love her to death but you will NEVER hear me call myself a Barbie lmao

The Excellence of Love

"Love is patient, love is kind  and  is not jealous; love does not brag  and  is not arrogant,does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong  suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if  there are gifts of  prophecy, they will be done away; if  there are  tongues, they will cease; if  there is  knowledge, it will be done away."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

So I'm a fan of the Bible on Facebook and this was their topic today. I just wanted to share this because when I read it the first thing that came to mind is that this love can only come from yourself and God. I've always said love doesn't hurt and for that reason I can say that I've never truely been in love. I've loved selflessly, gave all I had but didn't get it in return. Seems like in these times you should be lucky to even have someone! Its a shame but there's not much loyalty left in this cold world. But I have hope for the real thing. Step one is finding someone you care about and everything comes into place after if its meant to be ... step one complete =)

This is it

"Don't fly me away

No need to buy a diamond key to unlock my heart

You shelter my soul

You're my fire wen I'm cold

I just want you to know

You had me at hello...."

You couldn't have told me two months ago I'd be feeling like this. It's definitely a feeling I've felt before but definitely a feeling I've since longed for and I didn't know if I'd ever feel it again. It feels better than ever and I plan on enjoying every moment with a smile on my face :-D

Dear Laker Fans,

Yes that is Carmelo, and no I haven't lost my mind. I am no Laker fan and I probably never will be unless you guys somehow get Carmelo, Kenyon, and JR on your team. Yeah .... pretty unlikely. So leave me alone! No matter how many of you give me the same championship speach you love to give remember this blog and try someone else ... that is all.

Sincerely,

A Nugget fan

:-)

Finally Some P R O G R E S S

I finally broke my writers block this weekend YESSSSSSS!!!! I've been doing a lot of writing lately and I'd start off so well and end up no where. But this weekend it flowed so effortlessly ahhhhh so happy! Now I just need some sort of melody for it and I'll be set whoooo hoooo =)

Couldn't describe it betta myself

"If you could you would get rid of me

Fuck you gone do when a bitch try to go hard

But I won't let you get to me

You should already figure I'ma go hard

If you was as real as me you would neva let another girl sit in ya thrown

I done put the choke hold now they screaming Nicki leave me alone

I am I will I got to win

I'm still looking around for my competition

I am getting it in until the end I gotta go, go, gooooo go hard!"

"Go Hard" - Nicki Minaj

2-26-10

2-26-10 ... the day I get my life back THANK GOD FOR A LESSON WELL LEARNED!!! A lil sad I must learn the hard way but thankful that once it gets in my hard head it never leaves.

To those of you who stayed by my side through the crazy year I just had I love you, to the people who I've lost on the way I probably love you even more for bowing out gracefully and making room for people who are really on my side :-)

Good things come to those who wait and I've been patient I'M BACCCKKK!!!