Deep ish!

"...But before she could be granted wings she had to survive as a caterpillar"

I ran int this quote on @JheneAiko 's Twitter page (side note I LOVE Jhene!) tonight and I feel it so much! I don't know who's quote this is but it's deep! $100,000,000 to whoever can tell me who it's by...

**disclaimer: I pay back in hugs :)

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A Moment Of Thanks

This week has definitely been a challenging one. I spent thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family and had a great time! Saw my family, had great food. What more can you ask for?Next day, my grandpa passed away. It hurt like hell! It has been sooo long since I've seen my grandparents I was just filled with guilt. But thank God for that last reunion. It couldve been just like any other holiday I didn't have to be there. Then came the final farewell. A beautiful traditional Islamic service. He was burried just as he'd like to go. Then Thursday night my granny I live with catches pneumonia smh. Thank God she's a trooper she faught hard and she's winning. Stayed Thursday til today and now she's out. Life can turn from good to bad in a matter of seconds. Always expect the unexpected and always stay connected to God. Strength is what gets you through. With today coming to a close I thank God for bringing my family through. And I hope and pray this week will be better. Hope everyone has a blessed one!

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New Chapter Of My Life, Let's Call It Moving On

Yup that's about it. . .I dnt wanna cry. I'm not too sad. It is what it is, we are who we are and our purpose (whatever it is) has been served and now it's time to move on. This time I have no hope to meet up later in life. No need. No one really changes much. Especially not to the extent this change would have to be so yeah. . .thanks for the experience but now its all done. Only thing I'm sad about is that the friendship is over. I enjoyed it while it lasted but my respect is more important than any friendship. Thank God I feel that way. . .

Truth Hurts

"This here is something personal

I highly think this feeling is reverseable

Knowledge is pain and that is why it hurts to know. . ."

Drake - "Brand New"

Mannn I neva knew confirmation on something you already kinda sorta, half way, had it in the back of your mind, had your intuition goin off on knew about something would annoy/hurt so bad. =\ I'm confused and weirded out at the same time. Glad we were adult enough for the convo, wish it was a couple of years ago tho. . .you win some you loose some. But hey it's another red flag to add to the collection lol ahhhhh

Sigh. . .

Distracted Like a Mutha...

"And if I knew it'd end like this

I neva woulda kissed ya cause I fell in love with ya

We neva woulda kicked it

Girl now everything's different

I lost my hommie lover and my friend

That's why I wished we neva did it

And I wish we neva loved and

I wish I neva fell so deep in love wit you and now it ain't no way we can be friends ..."

"Can't Be Friends" - Trey Songz

I'm supposed to be havin a gd time right now but all I can do is look at the coast and fight the tears smmfh one day I'll get it together ....

Story Of My Life

"A part of me wants to leave,

But a part of me wants to be here wit you

And every time I think that we're ova and done

You do something to get me back loving u

And you got me just torn in between the two

Cause I really wanna be with you

But something's tellin me I should leave you alone ..."

"Torn" - Letota Luckett

Sums it up perfectly.

Great Music

"My world it moves so fast today the past it seems so far away and I squeeze it so tight, I can't breathe and every time I try to be what someone has thought of me so caught up, I wasn't able to achieve but deep in my heart the answer it was in me and I made up my mind to define my own destiny"

-The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

Look what I bought over the weekend! I should have had this forever ago but better late than never. I swear she wrote this one for me I'm feeling this so much right.

Why Do I Feel So Sad

I dnt understand how I can be so happy and still feel how I do. I'm damn near in tears and I swore my eyes didn't work anymore. All I know is you can't help who you love. You don't plan it and as much as you may think you're in control you're really not. Its crazy how the heart and mind work with each other to play these crazy tricks on me. I feel like I'm 17 again in my heart and once I start falling my mind takes over and reminds me of 18-20 and I get all teary eyed and confused. I'm probably getting to this confusion listening to friends and fam. UGGHHH. Oh and I looovvveee how I can get all my feelings out on paper but I can't open my mouth and tell him. I'm scared tho. No one likes rejection but I'd feel so free to say "I loved you, love you, and I will always love u. The day I met you was one of the best days of my life and no one has impacted me in such a way before or since and that's probably the real reason why I love you. Others have taken my place but they will never feel for you the way I do. And to this day I never have had a real doubt that this is/was real but to give it another chance as older much more mature people would make me the happiest girl in the world" I'd never get that out. I'm really over here fighting myself. Damn ... no one said it be easy, but you couldn't have told me it would be this hard. The more time I spend with him just makes it worse too. FUCCCKKK I knw the majority of this makes no sense but I had to clear some mental space ... its getting crowded in here.

The Sweetest Thing I've Known

Every night I go to sleep wit a feeling I lost for a while that I really want back. Not only the feeling... that's not special enough. I need that feeling to be back from a special person. Its been back for 2 weeks now and I can't say I want to give back to him to go back to nothing. But then I think back and read back on how things were and how I was left and I get confused. When things were good it was great but when it was bad? Man it got ugly But time heals all wounds and as much as I try to stay mad I can't. This could most definitely be something that stays around forever, a feeling so strong that's always around I just wish I had a crystal ball to tell me the future on this one. Its honestly the sweetest thing I've ever known. No one has come close and to be honest I think I purposely make it that way. That way he keeps that special place in my heart

This is when I say fuck feelings cause I just want to turn off my slow love songs, turn over, close my eyes, and just go to sleep. I can't. There's something about this guy. Something about the love we had. Something that even though its over I can look at him and feel the same butterflies I felt 5yrs ago when I decided he'd be mine. Love or infatuation? Infatuation or obsessed? Obsessed or just the real deal? Maybe I should ask I've been in the dark far too long.

#teambreezy

 Here's a cool YouTube video